Journey of Healing

Journey of Healing - I was a messed up young man 15-20 years ago. Deciding as a youngster to revolt against authority, the enemy raged inside of me and look out anyone who got in my way! I put immense pressure on myself to excel and I did well although I did not like myself or life back then.

Funny enough I was a diligent and conscientious student during most of my school years. When prefects were appointed, I was left out and I remember being teased and I became explosive on the inside. Since then, I became aggressive, and that went into my university and work life.

At work, people commented that I was aloof and arrogant. I was talented in the computer field and did some great work and met good people. I remember a Malaysian friend of mine discussing how we would build our own business. We played golf and tennis, sang karaoke and explored our gifts.

I was born in New Zealand and my extended family was in Christchurch. At the airport I was looking for a book to read and picked up a few at the bookstore. One book was about winning friends and influencing people. The other was a philosophical book that was about pushing career and not allowing corporates to control you. It talked about looking through the balcony of life, being able to put our feet in the sand, rejecting bureaucracy and time wasting regimes. The author dedicated himself to teach us to live a zestful and enchanting life. It encouraged me to say what needed to be said and to fight for what needed to be won, even if that meant making enemies. This was a futuristic book written by a social warrior with a mission to choose what was right, a sign of heroism.

As I was reading this material, I learnt about business structures such as matrix management and that this corporate mentality was like a ticket to hell. If we did not control our destiny, then someone else would. I was in a multinational company that was in the middle of changing direction in Information Technology. We were driving global systems that would ultimately make our jobs redundant. Once the global systems took effect, support would be contracted over to China so I was on a sinking ship. I was ambitious but had nowhere to go. I was not really a team player back then but then again, teamwork does not always work. Leadership was only effective if we asked the right questions.

What was interesting when reading this book, I had a thought that I would one day step in and untangle the mess that this globalisation was achieving. I started talking about what I was reading and people eventually got concerned with me. I was told to take counselling sessions where I was able to voice a lot of the concerns I had and what I was perceiving in the company at the time.

This went on for months. I was enjoying seeing this counsellor, but he then sent me to a psychiatrist and he made a joke asking whether I thought there was a camera in the corner of the room watching me. I laughed and he diagnosed me schizophrenia. I was devastated but they had already made up their mind. Since then, I have been struggling with mental illness, despite having some success in managing this condition.

Some of my old colleagues from New Zealand were staying in Melbourne and I remember going up to Melbourne quite a bit to catch up with them. One night I was sharing my heart with an old colleague and I did not know that he was a Christian, excelling in an ambition to become a rock star one day. He invited me to sleep on the couch and so I did. In the morning they invited me to a church service but I had no idea what that was all about. I said yes and we went. This church had an alter call and I remember going up there and told that there was much potential in the room and that I was about to make the best decision of my life. He gave me a book called the prize, which I still have today. This was the New Testament with a series of testimonies about professional athletes including rugby players that I was interested in.

Three times I was invited to an encounter weekend at this church in Melbourne. The first time I went but did not concede to have sinned, the second time I went to Melbourne and went round the round about and came back home. The third time I went, I finally conceded to sin and was able to literally put all my sins on the Christ, seek His forgiveness and be baptised in water and prayed for the Holy Spirit to come upon me. This all happened in one weekend! This was the beginning of warfare!

Because the enemy had raged inside of me for so long, I was suddenly aware of things that were lurking inside of me that I could discern was not myself. I remember listing to warfare music as I went to bed as I started having nightmares. There was a real sense that a battle was raging inside of me now that I had given my heart to Jesus and surrendered to Him. That battle is still active in my life today.

Eventually, I was recommended to go to a church in my local town of Wodonga. A Kiwi Pastor agreed to take me on and he is still a very close friend today. We went through a Growing Deep Growing Strong course. Later we went through pigs in the parlor, which described a prophetic insight into what schizophrenia was all about. The author of this book had a revelation about what constituted this illness. We went after the devil and I was in many deliverance sessions with my Pastor.

Later I left this church to go and do some Bible College over in a big Church in Wodonga. This was one of the best things I had ever done. In amongst all of this, I travelled to UK, Ireland, Egypt, Central + Eastern Europe,  Africa and did a pilgrimage to Israel and Jordan. I count myself very lucky to have journeyed to so many places and none of this would have happened unless the events I have described had taken place.

There was a healing initiative that was pursued in my area called the Healing Rooms. I remember having some wonderful sessions here. One night soon after however something very strange happened. The devil spoke through my vocals. Now I had been used to thoughts in my mind that were not from Heaven, however, this was something new. I was startled and alarmed that this could happen. How could a Christian be subjected to such an act?

Soon after I remember going to a dance in a nearby town about half an hour away from home. This devil that spoke through me threatened to take my life and put my foot heavily on the accelerator and I did not feel safe. I thought he would do what he said and drive into a tree however, I made it through, despite some horrific driving at ungodly speeds. For whatever reason, he was unable to take me.

What in the World was going on? Why me! In the next trials of my life, I had to endure the obscenities coming through my mouth in public places. In Church, these spirits screeched and I was most embarrassed. Luckily my Church was very understanding. At home, this happened frequently also.

When I told my physiatrist what was going on, they dismissed the condition was tourettes because there were no ticks and that there were circumstances outside my control happening to me. The diagnoses finally given was called vocalisations.

This is an extremely rare condition and was hardly heard of. The journey is slowly getting easier and I am grateful for medication and the doctors. However, they could not understand the root of what was going on in the spiritual World. My problem was due to the dark side that has lurked inside of me for some time. I am fully convinced that as Christ continues to come through for me that these demons would be thrown out and not allowed to return. My journey is about healing long hurts from way back at school where I experienced rejection and rebellion at an early age. If I had not sought help and ended up in my Church, the enemy would have had me and I would not be here today. My family has been wonderful to me and I am now living in a place of my own. I control my condition, work for a local missions organisation in the army and for an employment agency that advocates employment for people with disabilities. I also speak at churches in my local area and run my own software business.

See what drives me is Christ and my condition has settled. Before, I feared death but now I realise that I am alive due to Him. The enemy has been allowed to do what he has done but the reality is he is unable to take my life. I have done all the bad things sexually including rebellion, prostitution, fornication and other sexual promiscuity. I deserve hell but I have a compassionate God who intercedes for me and has taken me out of the World with all my fears and insecurities. See the devil uses fear and intimidation to control people. However, with God's grace we are empowered to work for Him not man and we are to fear nothing but the fear of God who has the power to cast us into hell.

My friend, I wish to inform you that you can find salvation in our great God. He will take you through a journey that is unmistakeably meaningful when it is all said and done. Why go after the World like I did with all my ambition and uncertainty. We live in a World that is selfish and run by the prince of the power in the air. We all receive persecution and endure trials when we become genuine for Christ. However, there is a victors crown for those who overcome and I believe we run this race with God's intervention to the very end.

We are told to work out our salvation with fear and trembling. When you are like me, it takes courage to allow Christ to come through the centre to discern what is good and evil and to provide insight into our individual journey. I hope that this testimony encourages you and informs you the types of horrific stories that people with mental health issues can go through. We are more than conquerors and we are seated in Heavenly places.

I believe that the medical model is much needed however, doctors often do not have experience in understanding the spiritual element of mental health. For those who have experiences in supernatural encounters it is nice to have the Church to fall back on and take us through the valleys of life. Ironically, the World will be turned upside when Christ comes back some day. For those who are forgiven much, love much. Where will you fit on judgment day?

It is my prayer that you know Him intimately and know your place in the body. Be on guard for wolves that distort the truth and lean not on your own understanding. There is a World going to hell at this time. Are there some opportunities to graciously present the truth to someone who is hurting? If you do, you may well save that person from a multitude of sin and keep them from the wide road to destruction in.

Until next time. Keep looking up!